Friday, January 24, 2014

Justin Bieber will die for our sins.

There will be a book about Justin Bieber. That book will be turned into a film. Right now, we just don't know whether there will be a happy ending.

Even if Justin deals with his current legal issues, goes into rehab, and indeed retires from the music industry, there's already enough material in his young life for Martin Scorcese to get a three hour movie out of it. A young Leonardo would have been perfect for the part. Does Leo have any illegitimate nineteen year old kids?

Speaking of Leo, after Titanic he had fame equal if not greater than Justin's. While there were some reports of wild days and wilder nights, Leo dealt with his fame, dealt with temptation. He became an activist for causes. He also became a damn good actor. When was the last time Leonard egged one of his neighbor's homes? The new Leonardo would actually be out there cleaning them up and narrating a documentary about the evil of eggs on the environment.

Mark Wahlberg actually did real time for real crime back when he was getting funky with the funky bunch. Jay Leno recently showed a clip of a Marky Mark inteview from twenty years ago, when he might as well be his generation's Justin Bieber. I can remember the exact moment that he stopped being Marky Mark for me. In Boogie Nights, in the infamous "Sister Christian" scene, you see his eyes contemplate the drug deal that's about to go horribly wrong. Without saying a word, he showed that there was a brain behind those eyes. Was he thinking of executive producing Entourage during those moments? Wahlberg trained with the Navy Seals to make "Lone Survivor." Bieber could sure use a couple of weeks of basic training.

The biographer/film maker should wait until Bieber turns 28 because the twenty-seventh year is the crucial year. Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and Paris Hilton all made it that far and have relatively cleaned up their act, even if they have sacrificed some fame. We are still waiting to see how Miley Cyrus turns out, but I am betting against her. You can Google all the famous stars who died at 27. The reason so many stars die at that age is because you can still be young in spirit but old at heart. Just ask Amy Winehouse.

So all you biographers and screenwriters out there, watch this story unfold. Or should we say all you beiberographers . . .

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