Garage Gurus

I park at a bank parking garage near downtown. I gave copy of my new novel, Rattlesnake Weddin to the parking lot attendants. For the past few days, I've been getting progress reports as they read the novel. They've let me park for free a few days so I must be doing something right.

As a lawyer, I park in the morning for a few hours, and then I return in the afternoon for another hour. I encounter two women who have been sharing the same copy.

The morning attendant is a woman in her fifties. I don't know how she ended working in a parking lot, but apparently she is an avid reader. She made it through the book in two days as less people leave in the mornings so she has more uninterrupted time. She loved it, but couldn't give me much feedback other then telling me "I love it."

The fact that she read it so fast is a great testament. The fact that she validated my parking for three days straight validated my literary skills.

The woman in the afternoon is taking a little longer to read the book because she has to deal with more customers leaving. She is in her sixties, and is a retired teacher. She's a little vague about why she is here so I don't ask.

She is offering more detailed critiques about each chapter. As I fumble to find my ticket, she will offer her own opinions on the story. She was right about the fact that one character would get in trouble. She was totally wrong yesterday about who dies in the end, but I had to be polite and not tell her what would really happen.

Thankfully, someone honked and I had to drive away before I could reveal any spoilers.

I am learning more about my writing from these two women than I did in my writing class while pursuing an MFA.

Obviously, I would like the head of the English department at Harvard to read my book and offer a critique. Perhaps he can get a job at the parking lot when the afternoon woman retires...

Blast from the Past!

Are your words like wine? Do they get better with age? Now that there seems to be some demand for my words, I'm going through my electronic trunk and pulling out the old bottle.

I started writing a modern western manuscript in 2007. It wasn't that it was bad, it's just that a romantic thriller I wrote was better at the time. My publisher decided to go with the newer project instead. I put the western away for a few years, although I did add a page here and there, usually after a trip to points west. I was then inspired to write a science fiction manuscript that referenced the romantic thriller.

In the last few weeks, I finally went back and checked out  the western. It was like reading something written by another person.

I didn't always get my own jokes. There were references to movies and songs that I could no longer remember. I also described people who were long gone from my life. I also had to make the book
Even worse, it had been written in an old word processing program from frontier days.

So how do I bring my western up to date?

I went through the 85,000 words, line by line, making it double spaced and fixing the quote marks. Along the way, I made a few changes. I cut the bad jokes and obscure references to people, places and songs.  I made the story consistent with the Rattlesnake Lawyer universe  It now isn't bad.

Will I ever publish it? That depends on the publisher and the market of course. I don't want to wait forever however. Wine does become vinegar.

Coffee or not to be

To be or not to be? How about coffee or not to be? It's time to inject some blood into my caffeine stream, or is it the other way around? I have no idea what I'm going to write today. Normally, I have a blog idea fully formed before I sit down at the keyboard, Sometimes have the complete structure set in my head while waiting for the coffee to brew.

Today is different. If my writing is like coffee, today I am using too few scoops to brew too many cups.

I need coffee to power me through my morning. I am very busy at my day job as a lawyer, so my brain is concentrating on motions to suppress as opposed to emotional content. I am revising yet another manuscript, a western this time and my brain matter is pouring into the manuscript as opposed to a blog. Even emails are draining me today. A few of my friends have broken off their relationships, and I have to write them supportive messages. Emails are not as easy.

Each paragraph of a motion, each edit of a manuscript and each each email seem to require a couple of coffee beans to get through and there are only so many to go around.

I don't recommend Red Bull in the morning unless you are writing action sequences set on a rolling locomotive.

Done with my first cup, I sip another. I am surprised that Starbucks hasn't used famous writers to promote their product. Then again, Stephanie Meyer, the author of Twilight is a Mormon, and presumably did not drink a single cup. JK Rowling wrote Harry Potter in a cafe. I wonder what she was drinking. I'm betting on tea.

Hunter S Thompson famously switched between black cups of coffee and Jack Daniels. If you see early interviews with him, it worked. His brain was moving a million miles a minute. If you see later interviews, his brain was revving in a pothole.

Either the coffee or the Jack had stopped working.

This cup of coffe is empty, so it's time to finish this blog up for the day. Coffee or not to be, indeed.

The Deep End of the Audience

I am giving two "author talks" in the next few weeks, so I started reflecting on the best and the worst talks I've seen in my life. Authors are not always good speakers.

Will I give the same talk twice? I saw David Morrell, the author give two talks within six months about the current state of the publishing industry. Each sixty minute talk was totally different, but then again the publishing industry changes every hour. I've also seen Alisa Valdes. She is very inspirational and always speaks her mind. Every time I hear her, she's completely fresh.

I can't guarantee that I won't repeat the same jokes within the same sixty minutes span.

As for the talk that inspired me the most, Jacqueline Michaud spoke at Southwest Writers and literally changed my life. Ten years later, I might be getting some of the details wrong, but I can still remember the gist of her talk. She had written a book published to poor reviews and worse sales. The publisher was asking for the advance back. She was getting a divorce and working as a subsitute teacher while living in a trailer in some cold Wisconsin town. In court papers, her soon-to-be-ex was asking for custody and apparently claiming she was an unfit mother because she was spending all her time writing. She then got a phone call. It was Oprah. Oprah made her the first author in Oprah's book list and "The Deep End of the Ocean" became a best seller. I think about that story every time I sit down to write.

Steve Hodel wrote Black Dahlia Avenger and I saw him in LA at the "Men of Mystery." He started by talking about the "Black Dahlia" case, for a few minutes and then abruptly shifted topics to discussing his father. I was actually getting a little bored. Why are you talking about your crazy father? He then described going up to the attack and finding a piece of evidence that suggested his father might have beeen the real killer. Everyone in the audience let out an audible gasp.

I'm not going to list the worst authors by name. I did hear someone you've heard of speak at "Men of Mystery" in LA. His talk was so bad that the other other authors commented on their webpages and it made national news. He's still on the best seller list but the controversy hurt his sales for a week or so.

Some local authors have done ten minute talks for sixty minute slots while others have provided only five minutes of information over the course of an hour.

As for me, my best and worst talks have occurred at Southwest Writers. I'll save those stories for another time. Hopefully, I will inspire someone in the room to write a blog about me....

Fiery Fortune Part II

Will the release of Rattlesnake Wedding make me a best selling author? Psychic Moonhawk Emeraldstar says yes! I think...

As I wrote earlier this morning, I was going to the Fiery Foods show for two reasons. First, to sample the best hot salsa around, and second to have Moonhawk read my cards. She's nearly blind and in a wheelchair, but she always seems to have good insight.

I found her in a quiet corner of the gigantic trade show. She told me to think of something specific.

I thought of the book release in two weeks. I was going to give the cards in order, but I'm sure that it's bad luck. There was a Devil card as well as a star card.

I was hopeful that "the star" was the outcome card. She said that the devil card is, but that is not necessarily bad. I then asked her if I could be even more specific. She said to try again.
This time I closed my eyes and focused on the book release and drew five cards.

The first card was a six of wands. She told me that six of wands is victory. She let out a whoop of joy. I noticed that she had a book of her own called Healing the Healers. I wonder what her cards said whether it would be a best seller.

I went out and tried some really hot salsa...

Fiery Fortune

Will my book be a best seller? Today, I will find out from Moonhawk. Moonhawk looks like a psychic. Imagine the short woman from the film, Poltergeist who declared that the house was free of spirits. Now imagine her half- blind and in a wheelchair. I'm going to see her today to learn my future. at the National Fiery Food show at the Sandia Casino.

In an episode of the Simpsons, Homer ate chile so hot that he had a hallucination. (would that be a homercination?)  Well, that's the plan today. I will eat samples of very hot chile from the vendors, something high on the Scobey scale and my homercination somehow leaves me open to the world beyond our senses. Some of these chiles have been used in ancient rituals.

My mouth on fire and my brain reeling, I will go into one of the side rooms in the convention center, one of the dark corners. Perhaps this room was indeed the site a tribal burial ground like the home in Poltergeist. Moonhawk has been there for the last few years. She will recognize me, even though she can't see. She will read my cards. Her predictions are usually spot on.

I am aware that the psychic in Poltergeist was dead wrong by the way. Moonhawk does have some problems with the credit card machine, and I'm never sure how much to tip. Does she split the tip with her spirit guides? If so, I might go as high as %25 percent.

I will ask for a very specific prediction regarding the next three months regarding the book release. I will tell you what she says in tomorrow's blog...

Kinko's gets Kancelled!

Kinko'a is long gone. I have to go to Fed Ex office today and something feels kinky. Well, something feels less kinky and that's the problem.

 I was written up in an article in Albuquerque the Magazine and my scanner is down. I will scan the article and then upload it to my Facebook page, probably making the picture my cover photo. I will be emailing the pdf of the article to various contacts and have a link to buy my books on amazon. This will be the second time I've been to Fed Ex office in six months.

Fed Ex bought Kinko's in 2004. I can't help but think back to 1998-2000 when I lived in LA and went to film school. There was a Kinko's on Sunset Boulevard. It was filled with writers and actors on the outside edge of Hollywood. There were also several homeless people trying to use the bathroom to consume drugs. The groups were not mutually exclusive.

I would type my script at 25 cents a minute. It definitely got me typing faster. Printing was always a little scary. I would scream if the printer jammed or my work was lost. I was nearly banned from the store after an outburst.

There were often gorgeous model/actress types stapling resumes to their head shots. One Australian model asked me for help printing out her resume after say g'day. Once she realized that I was as clueless at printing as she was, she said g'day again. G'day apparently is like aloha, it can mean hello or good bye.

I printed my first novel, Rattlesnake Lawyer at Kinko's in Westwood and then took it to my publisher. If only I had remembered to do a spell check, but that's a different story.

When I began my book touring in 2002, I stopped at Kinko's all over America. The Kinko's in Amarillo, Texas seemed to be filled with the same actors and models as the store in Hollywood. Perhaps they were copied and faxed. I did see some Russian mobsters doing some kind of deal online at the Kinko's in Phoenix. I don't even want to tell you what I saw at the Kinko's in Tucson.

The Kinko's in Albuquerque was where I used to go when I had to print something. The staff was excellent and was always helpful. The nice woman at the front desk barely spoke English, but she knew how to use adobe acrobat.

I now can do much of what I did at Kinko's on my smart phone. I have my own office now and my own copier. There is something bland about the name, Fed Ex Office.

Aloha Kinko's.