Friday, December 13, 2013

Hobbit Hustle

If The Hobbit were written now, Bilbo and Galadriel would be teenagers, and Galadriel would probably be played by Jennifer Lawrence or Kristen Stewart in the film version. Bilbo could be played by one of the Hemsworths. There would be a forbidden romance of course.

There are no female dwarves which creates more issues, hardly any female characters at all. Did Tolkein get elves, but not get women? He was a contemporary of CS Lewis who wrote the Narnia books, and Narnia had amazing female characters, both good and evil. If Tolkein had written the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, there probably wouldn't be a witch.

The portrayal of the Goblins also feels both racist and classist in the books and films. No Goblin shows even the slightest tinge of humanity. Speaking of forbidden love, why not a relationship between Gandalf and a Goblin? Gandalf disappears a lot, so hopefully some aspiring fan fiction writer out there can spin a tale or two.

I don't love the poems and songs in the book either. The Coen brothers had T-bone Burnett create the folk soundtrack for Inside Llewyn Davies (or whatever, Llewyn sounds like the name of an elf by the way). T-bone could have written a ditty or two.

How many animated dragon movies alone have come out? Bilbo might try to tame Smaug at least . . .

Despite my quibbles, the book does stand up and inspired me to be a writer. You keep turning
 the pages and dream of Middle Earth when you put the pages down for the night.

 I hope that someday, a blogger writes a criticism of my book and billion dollar grossing movie...

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