Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Bilbo Burgundy or If the Anchorman was a Hobbit

It's Christmas movie season. The Hobbit opened last weekend and Anchorman opens tomorrow. Next weekend, we see another movie with interesting facial hair--American Hustle. For the more literary minded among you we have the Secret Life of Walter Mitty, based on a Thurber short story. I'm surprised that in one of his fantasies, Walter Mitty hasn't played a Hobbit. Ben Stiller is already short and hairy, so it wouldn't be too much of a stretch.

Speaking of the Hobbit, the new film has an invented love triangle between Evangeline Lilly, Orlando Bloom's Legolas and a dwarf. Seriously. Tolkien is rolling in his grave every Durin's day. When Evangeline Lilly's Kate was torn between Matthew Fox's Jack and Sawyer in Lost, we were rooting for her to make the right choice, but either way it didn't matter.  I'm not saying which side of the Middle Earth triangle I'm on, but it feels like a bad version of Twilight.  Most teen girls don't have pictures of a dwarf hanging over their bed. I'm on Team Legolas I suppose.

Keanu Reeves has a film called 47 Ronin. Apparently 46 Ronin wasn't enough, but 48 would be too many. No, the number 47 was not Keanu's IQ.

I've stated already that I've seen so much promotion for Anchorman, that I keep expecting Ron Burgundy to appear in the other films of the year. I can already picture Burgundy interviewing Ian McKellan, hell I can probably do a Ron Burgundy interview of Ian McKellan in my sleep right now. I can see the Ron Burgundy with Keanu in my head as well. "Which one are you, Bill or Ted?"

As for American Hustle, I've heard that Christian Bale gained fifty pounds for the role, and by slouching he was able to lose a few inches. That is not a joke, he actually herniated a disk by slouching. I once wanted to look like Christian Bale--the Christian Bale of American Psycho, or Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne. I don't want to look like him when Christian plays Jewish.

So, enjoy the movies this Christmas and can someone please tell Ron Burgundy that there's a job opening in Middle Earth.

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