South WORST Writers, South BEST Writers

I'm speaking at the prestigious Southwest Writers  group on Tuesday, April 16. Needless to say, I've had some South BEST and some South WORST Writers moments during my talks there.

My South WORST Writers moment came a few years ago after I discussed how the iPad was changing the writing process. I thought the talk was well received, but an elderly gentleman came over to me. "That was the worst talk I've ever heard." He looked like a zombie Ernest Hemingway off his medication. You've heard of a moveable feast, this was a moveable beast with his wild eyes and bad breath.

I nodded and said something like "I'm sorry you feel that way, everybody else seemed to enjoy it."
He didn't go away. "I really, really hated your talk. You're terrible."

I had no idea what to say after that. Several of my friends in the group were  waiting to congratulate me, but "Ernest Hemingway" wouldn't leave.  He wouldn't stop, just droning on and on how I knew nothing about computers. I tried to explain that I was focusing on writing rather than programming, but he looked like he wanted to devour me, like the sharks devoured the marlin in the Old Man and the Sea. Thankfully, he finally left, vowing never to return.

He never did. No one had any idea who he was.  Perhaps he really was Ernest Hemingway, back from the dead to make sure I didn't develop hubris. I didn't have a "Farewell to Arms" after his tirade, I had a "farewell to Self-Esteem."

So I was a little nervous the next year when I returned to SWW. I don't remember my topic, but I do remember that it was the height of Charlie Sheen's very public meltdown. Charlie Sheen had been in the western film Young Guns, which filmed in New Mexico and I said that once he came here, the rest of his career went to pot. The audience nodded. I then inserted poor Charlie into every topic, and the audience ate it up like Charlie once ingested illegal substances. After several laugh out loud moments, I closed by referring to "Ernest."

"A guy last year told me that I was the worst speaker he'd ever seen," I said, then stared at the enthusiastic crowed. "Well as Charlie Sheen once said, WINNING!"

Yes, that expression feels dated now, but when I said "winning," the crowd erupted in applause, I had just had my South BEST moment.

So, on Tuesday night, April 14, 5540 Eubank NE, starting at seven PM, hopefully you will see me at my South BEST!